Clocks ticking

It’s time to board our flight. Why are we the only ones at the gate aside from four over excited teenage boys rocking full body gold lamé – we don’t ask.  I check my boarding pass. This is what happens when you get up at 4:30am: you confuse your seat number, 8C, for the gate number 6D, which is at the other end of the concourse and on a different floor. We arrive as boarding starts. You could say it was perfect timing, but I prefer it without the heart attack. 

 We’re leaving Prague after a busy five days. The airline is Eurowings, Lufthansa’s low cost (it’s all relative) arm. Being German run, it is well organised, unlike the bun fight I remember from flying Ryanair one time. The first and last time. The PTSD lingers. 

The old town is positively heaving with tourists, mostly European, though it is still a destination for sad Brit-boy stag parties wandering aimlessly and shouting. We see a dozen extras from Dazed and Confused wearing t-shirts with a bare chested big bellied picture of James, who looks like a real catch.  I want to tell the bride, whoever she is, to run very fast. We witness one “hen” party tottering over the cobblestones and they all look like they’d rather be at home watching Love Island.  Those cobblestones are rugged and tough on your feet. Scott is keen for us to hire bikes, but when I see people juddering along, possibly losing teeth, I lose enthusiasm. I fear the flapping of my bingo wings would give me so much lift I’d take off. 

A walking tour is a better bet and local Mikel takes us around the old town to, among other places, the Jewish Quarter. While the Nazis plundered Jewish artefacts from other occupied cities, Hitler preserved the Jewish Quarter in Prague as a “Museum of an Extinct Race”. I guess the laugh is on him, as there are six synagogues still operating. That said, the Old Jewish Cemetery is thought to hold 100,000 bodies although the 12,000 tombstones indicate they are buried between six and twelve bodies deep. 

The most popular site in the old town is also, according to google, one tourists rank among the most overrated attractions in Europe. The Astronomical Clock on the tower of the old town hall dates back to 1410, reason enough, I would think, to be interesting.  It’s complex. It shows four different times known as Old Czech time, planetary hours, sidereal time – useful only to astronomers – and German hours, useful not just to Germans but all of us as it shows the current time, marked with 24 golden Roman numerals along the circle of the astrolabe.  The clock not only tells us what time and day it is, but also tracks the movement of celestial bodies like the Sun and Moon. Wow. So much information. Why then do people think it’s overrated? I’m not sure what they expect, but thousands turn up on the hour to watch the four figures that flank the clock, vanity and greed on the left, death and lust on the right, come “alive”when the skeleton (death) rings the bell. The two blue doors at the top open, and for 30 seconds the twelve apostles pass by, presumably trying to drive out vanity, greed and lust. Maybe that’s why people don’t rate it. They’re happy being vain, greedy and lustful. 

Kafka, the novelist was born in the Jewish area and there’s a statue commemorating him there. He was a depressive and morose bugger, as you will know if you’ve ever read Metamorphosis. Consequently there’s another sculpture of Kafka that takes you by surprise. If you come at it from a certain angle, looks like he’s hanging, but then you realise he’s holding on by one hand. This is the work of Czech artist, David Černý.

In recent years Prague has become a bit of an exhibition ground for Černý’s unusual and frequently provocative and controversial sculptures.  Of course I love them. If you follow my instagram you’ll have seen one already: two men pissing into a pool the shape of the Czech Republic. We stumble across Černý’s work all over the city, but still see only a fraction of it. There’s a prominent statue of St. Wenceslas on horseback at Wenceslas Square, but Černý turns tradition on its head, literally, with a sculpture that has horse upside down. 


Butterfly Effect is an installation of two Spitfire aircraft fuselages fitted with butterfly wings, attached to the sides of a mega store. Every few minutes the wings move, reminding us of the butterfly effect. In the words of the artist, referring to the Czech pilots who flew in the Second World War: “A small fighter plane with a skillful pilot can ignite the fire of a battle that will eventually sweep away even a large aggressor. The butterfly effect is the theory that the flapping of an insect’s wings can trigger a chain of events that will cause a hurricane on the opposite side of the planet.”

Never mind the Charles Bridge, or Prague Castle, or even the Astronomical Clock, all groaning under the weight of tourist expectations, Černý’s work alone is worth the trip to Prague. 

Celebrations in Salzburg

July is not the ideal time to visit Europe: it’s hot and crowded, but a wedding party in Salzburg in mid July is how we arrange our travel. Scott meets Jacob fishing. Of course. He is one of the few who catch decent fish from the shore in Wellington, so impresses Scott.  In the time honoured way of travel romance, Jacob and his New Zealand partner Bec meet somewhere between Austria and NZ, and here he is.  We miss their New Zealand wedding 18 months ago, so can’t miss the Austrian follow up – that would be rude.  We aren’t the only ones flying in.  We meet ex pat Kiwis coming in from South Sudan (working for the UN Food Programme) Myanmar (teaching in an international school), Zurich (banking), Berlin (IT and marketing) and yes, Wellington. Jacob and most of the local men wear lederhosen, the traditional leather pants you never need to wash.  Bec and the women wear dirndls and the ones new to the traditional dress tell us they struggle to breathe.  Impressively, Jacob’s mother Kristina wears the same dirndl she’s had for over 30 years.

Salzburg is a glorious city, calm and laid back, with a fast flowing river separating the old and new town. To be fair, the new town is pretty old.  We get to hang out not just with Jacob’s welcoming family and friends, but as luck would have it an English friend, Anne, whom I first met on a felucca trip down the Nile in 1982, is in Salzburg with her husband visiting their son and his Austrian partner. 

So it is a week of get togethers, dinners, meeting old and making new friends, celebrations and a bit of sightseeing. Because it’s Salzburg we take a trip down the salt mines – a better choice than if we were in Russia, as we get to come out again. The tour takes through 2600 years of salt mining, from the Middle Ages to the Celtic miners of the Iron Age. Initially there’s  no sense of how deep we descend, as we ride a mine train several hundred metres into the mountain. After this, we walk through the tunnels and it becomes more apparent how deep underground we are. Twice we literally slide down miners’ slides, which is good fun for us but probably not so much if you have a day’s hard grind ahead of you.

The tour unfolds with AV displays, pieces of equipment, and dioramas of mining activity over the centuries. The deepest point we reach is 260 metres where the pressure of the rock lowers the ceiling by 1-3 cms per year. We don’t realise how close we are to Germany until we cross the subterranean border. We don’t mention the war.

And of course it wouldn’t be Europe without castles and palaces. Seemingly not content with one palace, those in power need more. Don’t they always? At least a Summer Palace, somewhere out of town as well as the every day work house in the city. Take Markus Sittikus, a wealthy and powerful man who is both a prince and an archbishop. But Markus is no boring stick in the mud. He has a vision of a place not previously imagined, let alone built. Hunting lodges are there for hunting, residences are to live in and to govern from – but hey! an archbishop just wants to have fun. What about a pleasure palace? For pleasure. While not exactly the Hugh Hefner of his time, the archbishop creates Hellbrunn, a palace with an extensive park and, as there’s a multitude of springs, why not build trick fountains? And grottos? And little water powered automats? It is full of surprises and enchanting trickery and so really is worth the visit.

Screenshot

Last but not least, the hills are alive with the sound of music. Yes the movie lives on in the hearts and imaginations of those not even born when the film was made. There are Sound of Music tours to all the film locations, but we limit ourselves to a wander through Mirabell gardens. Julie Andrews is missing in action, busy voicing Lady Whistledown in Bridgerton.

All part of the fun

Travelling across Europe in my 20s, I carry a stash of travellers cheques. They are secure, along with my passport, in a money belt tight around my waist. Over time, technology makes it unnecessary to carry funds with you; it’s easy to use debit and credit cards. While pickpockets are still a problem, they’re not the only problem. On day two of our three month trip, this text from my bank.

Holy heck – the bank has canceled my card! A look at my account on line shows the ugly truth: not once, but twice, some lowlife uses a fake version of my card. And the bank charges a transaction fee! I ring the fraud line to confirm this is not me and get assurance the charges will all be reversed. How did it happen? Skimming “the practice of electronically appropriating account numbers or other confidential data for illegal use” is the theory. I’m at a loss – we spend less than 48 hours in Wellington between arriving from the Sunshine Coast and leaving for Dubai. Was it the cab from the airport? The coffee shop? The other cafe? The Pharmacy? Or weeks and weeks ago? I’ll never know, but what I do know is I won’t be able to withdraw Euros or any other currency from an ATM for the next three months. I feel nostalgic for travellers cheques.

After a couple of days to see family in the desert hellhole that is Dubai, we arrive in the epitome of European cities, Vienna.  According to the Economist Intelligence Unit, Vienna is the world’s most liveable city for the third year running. I am not familiar with the judging criteria, but it must place a high value on sweltering accommodation, a general aversion to air conditioning, and very expensive coffee.

But by God it’s a beautiful city, and what it does have in abundance is palaces, galleries, and museums. These often occur in combination, where a fabulous old palace is now a gallery, such as the Albertina. Here, in air conditioned comfort, I see a stunning 100 year retrospective of Roy Liechtenstein’s work.  

I discover an American photographer, Gregory Crewdson, whose large scale pictures require months of planning and set up, and utilise the skills of casting, set dressing, wardrobe and art departments. The images are deeply immersive and sometimes disturbing. Another temporary exhibition is one that really smacks me in the face. Im guessing it divides opinions, and you are caught up by the passion of the artist as I am, or, if you aren’t a fan of abstract, then you’ll turn and walk away. Franz Grabmayr is a modern Austrian artist inspired by nature and the elements. He slaps the paint on so thickly it is as much a sculpture as a painting, so much so his paintings can weigh up to 100 kgs. It’s this fat, seemingly messy, energy that is captivating – I don’t care if it doesn’t look like a rock or a river or a fire. 

All of that and a permanent Modernist modern collection of over 500 pieces which takes you through all the major painters from Impressionism (Monet and his contemporaries) through to a roomful of works by Picasso. 

Then there’s the State Opera House, a magnificent Renaissance building, built thanks to Emperor Franz Josef 1 and Empress Elisabeth’ love of music.

Now I’m more alt rock than aria, but we do want to see inside. But because of maintenance there are no visitor tours and the only way to see inside is to, well, go to the opera. But the season is over. But this week there’s a special programme. But it’s sold out. But there are scalpers. Of course there are. We pay €50 each for standing tickets that have a face value of €13. But for that price you need to buy them months ago, before the scalpers do. They know dumb ass tourists like us will pay four times the ticket price as it’s the only time we’ll ever go to the opera in Vienna. Bear with me now – this is the lucky part. I love John Malkovich. One of my favourite movies is the 1999 absurdly funny and weird Being John Malkovich. So how cool is it that John Malkovich is in Vienna, not for a movie but in a freaking opera, Their Majesty’s Voice, more operetta than opera I think. And for those genuine opera fans among you, you will be sorry to know the talents of Cecilia Bartoli were wasted on philistines like us, but we did enjoy ourselves immensely.

Next day, walking past Cafe Mozart we see him. Having coffee and just, you know, being John Malkovich.

Still with architecture, it’s not often you enter a colourful and creative public toilet, but that’s the case in Kawakawa, a small town in the Bay of Islands, New Zealand. The Austrian architect Friedensreich Hundertwasser lived in New Zealand on and off from 1973 until his death in 2000. Hundertwasser was ahead of his time, designing in sympathy with nature. We visit part of his legacy in Vienna, an apartment building and museum. It must be hell to live in the apartments as every day hordes of tourists descend on the place. Of course there’s no entry to the building, but the external aspects are fascinating enough.


As you can see, uneven surfaces and colourful tiling are hallmarks of his work. He embraces natural aspects and gardens, even trees, into the building design, though apparently the shape of the rooms makes it difficult to place furniture. If you can’t make it to Vienna, you can visit the recently opened Hundertwasser Art Centre in Whangarei. Or better yet, go to the toilet in Kawakawa.

When you’ve sold your caravan, what next?

It’s time to brave the wider world, starting tomorrow

A family to visit in Dubai, with a 2 year old grandson to meet; a wedding celebration in Salzburg; trips to countries not yet explored – Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Poland; friends to visit all over the place; new babies to meet; adventures yet to reveal themselves. And blogs don’t write themselves.

Stand by for reports from the front line – or hopefully not, unless Russia invades more neighbours, then we may be away longer than we expect.

Instagramers can see progress by photos on @bevzac56 and @scottzac45

Taiwan Part 2: Earthquake(s)!

I know many of you think I write these in real time but I don’t. Thank you all those who have messaged hoping I’m not still there, or betting I’m glad not to be!

I’ve been home for two weeks now so I am not clutching my pearls worrying about aftershocks. But I am shocked by yesterday’s events. Even though I am well gone, for some reason if feels like a close call. Hualien, the town with the tilting buildings you see on repeat on the news, is the town that services Taroko Gorge, the beautiful National Park I enjoy the most in my Taiwan travels. It is naive to hope the gorge isn’t damaged, but I suspect with the epicentre so close there is significant rockfall. Those of you who follow my Instagram will know I feel a dickhead wearing a safety helmet on the Swallow Grotto Trail walk, but I just now read this on CNN “All the deaths were in Hualien County, among them three hikers killed by falling rocks in the tourist hotspot Taroko Gorge, the NFA said. Falling rocks also killed a truck driver in front of a tunnel on the east coast’s Suhua Highway. I don’t feel quite so much of a dickhead now, though I suspect a helmet would be no match for a car sized boulder on the head.

Without a helmet on a Taroko Gorge trail

I head down the east coast to Taroko Gorge/Hualien after my first few days in Taipei. I can’t emphasise enough how steep and rocky this part of Taiwan is. Travelling along the coast we go through countless tunnels, many of them several kilometres long. The coast road is precipitous, plunging straight down into the Philippine Sea. Richard, my guide, tells me that several years ago a landslide hit a bus full on Chinese tourists and swept it into the ocean and they never recovered anyone or anything, not even a door handle. It gets deep very quickly.

The coast road south from Taipei to Hualien

It’s a surprise to learn there are almost 300 hundred peaks over 3,000 metres, mostly covered in dense forest. As we leave the lower parts of Taroko and head inland and up, the drive is unnerving: mountain mist shrouds the valleys and it is difficult to see further than a few metres ahead. When we do emerge above the clouds, it’s spectacular – not to mention a relief – as Taiwanese drivers mistake a Sunday drive for a kamikaze mission.

What I fail to understand, however, is why, when we are back in another cloud at the top of the pass, where it’s 0 degrees and there’s frost coating the bushes, people are out taking photos of each other and the mist.

If, when you watch yesterday’s earthquake footage, you wonder why the Taipei 101 tower doesn’t sway, I can explain. At 508m tall it offers stunning views over Taipei and the surrounding area, but even more interesting (especially yesterday) is the Damper Ball. This is a giant golden ball suspended between the 87th and 92nd floors: it weighs 660 tonnes – more than 100 African elephants, but I guess a big ball is easier to manage than 100 elephants – imagine cleaning up after them. The damper acts as a giant pendulum and stabilises the tower in very high winds, or earthquakes. How cool would it be to have been up there to see it in action?

As I say, I am safely home now. However when I checked in to my Taipei hotel for the final couple of days following my trip south, it amuses me to see a multi language leaflet with the title “What to do in an Earthquake”. The very next day I feel the telltale sway and a quick google tells me it was magnitude 4.5, enough to freak out tourists who don’t live in an earthquake zone, but barely a ripple for me. I guess I’m lucky it wasn’t yesterday – even I might have had to Drop, Cover, and Hold.

Screenshot

Taiwan Part One: no caravanning involved

I realise I’m out of practice with this long haul travelling lark as I try to enter Taipei through the Residents Only line. It’s even more obvious as I pile into an airport taxi and have an immediate heart attack as I can’t find my phone, which has my credit card, bank card, and drivers licence. I’m in Taiwan with just my passport and about $200 in local cash.  

Stop! I shout at the driver. Poor man lurches to the curb and I gesticulate for him to open the boot so I can check my bags. This is ridiculous. Only seconds earlier I send a text announcing my safe arrival. My rational mind knows the phone is in the car, but my lizard brain has left the building. As panic threatens to overwhelm me, I see the phone in the footwell of the car. For God’s sake woman, get your shit together. 

It takes little time to get a feel for the city and find my way around. The MRT (metro) is cheap, most trips around central Taipei cost no more than $20 Taiwan, so just over $NZ1.00; clean: no graffiti, litter, or beggars; orderly: everyone lines up at the barrier to board, giving disembarking passengers room to exit; quiet: there are messages reminding passengers to use headphones and speak quietly; and fast. It is quite a change from New York or London or other big city metros where you are in a noisy, grubby human pinball machine being eyed by people who look like they forgot to take their meds.

I kick off my visit with a three hour walking tour of the historic part of Taipei and around the political/Governmental district, which includes the imposing Chang Kai Shek Memorial Hall. It’s a stunning site with curved blue tiles on the roof and slanted cream walls. Looking from the top of the 89 steps leading to the hall (he lived to 89) you see extensive gardens and a huge square. The National Theatre flanks one side, the National Concert Hall the other. Inside the cavernous hall is the “Great Man”, sitting with his arms on the chair arms and smiling benevolently, emulating the statue of Lincoln in Washington DC.

But there the similarity ends. A few hundred metres away is 2-28 Peace Memorial Park, named after the vicious crackdown by the KMT on locals protesting corruption and economic hardship. The number 2-28 refers to 28 February 1947. The next four decades of White Terror were marked by brutal martial law and it’s fair to say Chiang Kai Shek is not universally revered. There are some efforts, subtle as they are, to reduce the reverence paid to CKS, such as renaming the Memorial Square Liberty Square.

The big ticket item is the Changing of the Guard which takes places every hour on the hour. Now you may think you have seen it all in Athens, where the pom pom lads prance prettily in front of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. I agree, this is elegant and enchanting. However the ceremony at the Memorial Hall is next level, though the choreography is more Joseph Goebbels (think goose steps and Hitler) than Parris Goebel (think Superbowl and J. Lo). There’s lots of heel clicking and rifle tossing and serious expressions. You can find videos on YouTube.

Housing 2.6 million people, the city itself is very spread out but easy to get around: everything is clean and tidy despite the lack of rubbish bins. I make enquiries. When there were public rubbish bins, people would bring all their household rubbish out and fill the bins rather than disposing of it at collection centres. Why wouldn’t you? So the Government took all the bins away but also promoted an initiative to reduce waste and promote recycling. They now have one of the highest recycling rates in the world. Go Taiwan.

Still on the cleanliness schtick, let me mention public toilets which, unlike rubbish bins, are plentiful. In every Metro station, public park, transport station, museum, temple and rest area you will find a spotlessly clean facility. I thank years of yoga when there is no western style throne and squatting is the only option – falling in is not an option.

In Europe I find you tire of cathedral after cathedral: in Asia it’s the same thing with temple after temple. Once you learn the difference between Buddhist (there’s a big fat buddha sitting there) and Taoist (a riot of colour with numerous beardy gods and no big fat buddha) and Confucian centres (no colour, no fat buddha) there’s not much different to admire, though the rooflines are always fascinatingly decorative.

I pretty much eat my body weight in dumplings, particularly xiao long bao, the pork dumplings with soup inside. On a previous trip to Shanghai I take a class to learn how to make these, but any attempts at home are more dumpster than dumpling. Street food is plentiful and delicious, even if sometimes you don’t know what you are eating, and often it’s better you don’t.

The two young women in the photo are making something that looks interesting, and there’s a queue of people so I reason it must be good. A thickish batter goes into what look like mini muffin tins, which sit over a heat source. Something unidentified gets plopped in, then more batter and cooking and turning commences. It takes several minutes and for my T$70, about $NZ3.50, I get a small basket of six with fried onion and some sauce. They are quite delicious and I eat them still not knowing what they are. When I go to the night market I see a big sign for Tayoyaki, a Japanese snack. A-ha, octopus balls! and just like you, I never knew octopus had them.

PS: I’m too lazy to set up another blog now we have finished caravanning, so sorry about the false advertising.

And here we are

Back home again. This time we are home indefinitely and there are no future caravanning plans; after four years it does feel a little weird. Especially when you leave 33 degrees of sun and balmy weather and come home to this (see pic below). It does make you question your judgement.

Which places do we like the most? Well, there’s lots of places, but we both agree the south coast of Western Australia is hard to beat. To quote me, all the beaches along this stretch of coast SE Western Australia sparkle with pristine sands, and mercifully the only things missing are cafes, shops, houses, and assholes. There are also stunning natural landforms, towering forests of ancient trees, interesting history, and nice people. You can remind yourself about why we like the area so much here, here and here. We would travel back there again, no question.

And I can’t go past Coral Bay, so good we go there twice. Swimming with humpback whales, whale sharks, manta rays, and turtles is indescribably joyful and, in every sense of the word, amazing. Different every time, and every time a delightful wonder.

The trip across the Nullarbor is also a treat – read out it here and here. In fact, I love all the long outback drives. Each Roadhouse is an opportunity to experience another slice of Aussie life – with all its shades of good and bad.

What would we do differently? Not much, though we have a list of things we should’ve (would’ve, could’ve, didn’t) bought/buy. These include a blow-up paddle board/kayak – there were waterways we would have been able to explore further, and just general mooching around on the water; an electric chainsaw – for firewood when free camping in out of the way places, and fending off potential serial killers – this is Australia after all; a coffee machine – for obvious reasons; a roof rack, a battery drill with an adjustable torque setting, and some easy attach anti-flap clamps for the awning.

What were the unexpected delights? Random art projects, be it on grain silos, dams, water towers or city walls. Give an Aussie a blank space and they’ll slap a mural on it – and they are fantastic. The images generally portray some aspect of the history or people of the area. Sometimes you stumble on a stunning image in the middle of nowhere, other times you can spend some time meandering along a mapped out trail which leads you to places you’d otherwise miss.

Meeting some wonderful people at campsites and freedom camping along the way. There are a lot of the aforementioned assholes as well, but most people are generous with their time and tips about places to visit, camping information, and campsites – sometimes too generous, and it’s hard to get away.

Hot Springs – we never had a clue about the Great Artesian Basin that sits under a huge chunk of the mid to north east, and the many hot springs that are available.

floating down the river at Bitter Springs

Did you go everywhere? No, but we covered a lot. Colour coding on the map shows where we did go, and when. The blue line is 2018 is a precursor to caravanning – we flew to Darwin, hired a car and drove to Broome. We met so many campers and caravaners on the road we see no reason not to join in. So 2019 is the yellow trail; 2020 we all stay in our bubbles at home; 2021 is the pink trip across the Nullarbor and up and down WA; 2022 the purple took us from Perth almost the whole way round, ending in Mellbourne for a return a couple of months later in December /January 2023 to visit Tasmania. The murky orange, 2023, is our last trip along the Queensland coast.

All in all six, trips trips between April 2019 and October 2023 – no travel on 2020; 103 weeks of Aussie adventures. The Landcruiser had 18,000km on it when we bought it for $A91,000, and 95,000kms when we sold it for $A80,500. It was a machine – absolutely no problems, took us anywhere and everywhere, hauled us out of sand, rolled over some ugly terrain and didn’t miss a beat.

The caravan has new Kiwi owners who are going to live, work and travel around Australia for the next few years. They got a bargain.

end of an era, and yes, Walter the koala came home with us

How much did we spend on diesel? Don’t ask, don’t know, don’t care

Will you go back? No immediate plans

Do you recommend it? Hell, yes.

The Coast of Diminishing Returns

Sometimes, more is not better. That is the case as we travel further north up the Queensland coast. There’s more heat, more humidity, more things that want to harm, or kill you. Now, when we go to the beach the signs are less than encouraging, warning of strong currents, marine stingers and crocodiles. The only thing less inviting would be attending a party political rally. While it is not quite stinger season yet, it is close as temperatures are rise and the ocean is getting warmer. Beaches have “stinger net” areas for swimming, which might enclose 250 metres of a two kilometre long beach, so it’s not really like the beach at all – especially when the tide’s out, then it’s more like a big damp sand pit.

The small and invisible pests are the worst. Midges. The very word strikes fear into my heart. Where mosquitos are like attack helicopters and let you know they’re coming for you, midges are more your stealth bomber – and the real damage happens after they’ve gone, and you wake in the middle of the night ready to tear the itchy skin off your body. I am an expert in the range of insect repelling techniques and potions; even my moisturiser is insect repellent. In this instance I subscribe to the more is better philosophy.

We arrive in Airlie Beach, capital of the Whitsundays to meet with family for a week. My oldest brother, sister in law, five nieces with their three husbands, one boyfriend, and seven kids all travel in from New Zealand and Melbourne. There are moments of mayhem, especially when Scott hands out water pistols – and yes, it’s even worse when the kids get a turn.

The idea of cruising the Whitsundays has a dreamy appeal – gentle tropical breezes, white sandy beaches, snorkelling in clean, clear waters. That’s what the brochures sell and we are ready for it. The weather has different plans. For the entire week the wind doesn’t drop below 30knots (55 kph) making water activities more like water torture. Our full day charter, booked well in advance, goes ahead, and the 2.5 hour trip to the snorkelling spot sees one adult and one kid feeding the fishes. For a lot less money we could have taken the Cook Strait ferry in a gale force wind and had the same experience. But when we arrive at the designated bay, it is a bit more tranquil than the open sea and there’s a great deal of fun bombing off the top deck. You can’t do that on the Interislander.

We are at the southern end of the Great barrier Reef and here we find a mix of lovely, floaty soft and hard corals. The soft corals are beautiful, waving so gently in the current they seem to be breathing. Colourful fish dart about, hiding in the gaps and flitting back and forth. It’s very pretty, but the wind does make the water a bit choppy. I now know how much energy it takes to keep a kid afloat while you adjust their mask and try to convince them to keep their mouth closed on the snorkel. It’s a bit like being hugged by a drowning koala. The conditions mean no paddle boarding or kayaking as the skipper would be picking us up in Fiji, which in hindsight might be nice.  But by the time we all get home the worst is forgotten.

The next day the blokes go fishing and, surprise surprise, report rough conditions and tough fishing; a mediocre adventure mitigated by the consumption of a record numbers of beers. We cancel the last day’s snorkelling and beach trip in the interests of family unity, avoiding further trauma to children, and returning from holiday with the same number of people as left. 

The week ends as it begins, with Air New Zealand completely stuffing up various family bookings, requiring the repurchase of tickets, extra nights accommodation, and family groups split by ridiculous ticketing processes. Here in Australia, Qantas is the subject of a Senate Enquiry into flight prices and consumer rights following a tidal wave of marketing disasters. It doesn’t help that Alan Joyce, the CEO of 15 years, left early with a $24 million in bonuses and share options. Perhaps Air NZ will take note and proactively sort itself out. Oh how I laugh to think that might happen.

The Northern Migration

Do you ever wonder who comes up with group terms for birds and animals? Such as a parliament of owls, an array of hedgehogs, or a tower of giraffes (yes, really)? This is a rabbit hole that deserves excavating at some point, but as most mornings we wake to a cacophony of high pitched faarrrk, faaarrrk, faaarrks, heralding the awakening of the crows, I can easily understand why the collective noun for these faaarrrkers is a murder.

We are nearing the end of a three week stay at Blacks Beach, 15 kms north of Mackay. The beach stretches six kms and is as usually punctuated by fishers people tryng their luck. The fishing is patchy, but the keen anglers are now bringing in Spanish Mackeral, though I have yet to see one grace our table. The fisherman tells me he’s not that keen.

We are lucky to have not one but two sets of visitors while we’re here. Aussie mates Eleanor and Philip are doing on water what those from the southern states generally do on the road: heading north over Winter. They leave Lake Macquarie, south of Newcastle, NSW in early July and this is the first time our paths converge. We think we’re lucky with our whale encounters off K’gari/Fraser Island, but every day they are sailing with hundreds of migrating whales and, in the solitude and quiet the open ocean, they can hear the whales singing in communication.

It is hard to fathom the numbers of migrating whales: estimates vary, but around 60,000 leave Antarctica and begin the world’s longest mammal migration of 5,000 kms to the warm waters of northern Australia where they mate, calve and teach their newborns how to be whales. Comparisons with the vast numbers of “grey nomad” caravaners heading north over Winter are inevitable, though there’s probably a bit less of the mating and calving.

Each time we go to a lookout – or the Eimeo pub which, while otherwise unremarkable, is on a bluff and has stunning views and sunsets – we see humpbacks. At this time of year they are heading back south. As will the caravaners and yachties as Spring arrives.

While Martyn and Sue are here we take a trip 80km inland, up the Pioneer Valley, to Eungella and Broken River. Our mission is to see platypuses and this part of Australia is recognised as the world’s most reliable location for observing them in the wild. The drive starts as we expect with miles of sugar cane fields, a couple of sugar mills and little else. Then the road climbs. And climbs. And climbs, zig zagging almost 700 metres up to Eungella where we can look back out over the rainforest back to the coast.

But the platypuses – Broken River does a great job of making sure you have the best chance of seeing these shy creatures. There are paved walkways with information boards describing the habitat and local flora and fauna. Two viewing platforms, one up and one down stream sit at broad calm pools, and further well beaten paths edge the river. Dawn and dusk are the best times for viewing, but patience is definitely the order of the day. After 45 minutes squatting riverside, I need knee replacements. As I decide to walk down and try the other end of the river my reward awaits at the road bridge. A feisty little animal – monotreme actually – is ruffling the waters and riverbed looking for tidbits. We see several more over the early evening so we’re relieved we won’t have to get up at dawn and try again. FYI a group of platypuses, should you be lucky enough to see more than one at a time, is the very appropriate paddle.

photo credit for playtpus photos goes to Martyn and Sue.

We are on the final countdown now, with just under two months of travel remaining. In mid October we fly home, mercifully a few days post the New Zealand election, so we are missing all the rhetoric and hyperbole that is typical in the run up. I’m extremely confident in the Electoral Commission however, as having moved 500 metres up the road and notified my change of address (same post/zip code), they apparently don’t have enough information about which electorate I’m in. IT’S THE SAME ONE! Sorry Kiwis, but there’s something we can learn from the Aussies – introduce democracy sausages – it might make the election more palatable.

Every Dog Has Its Day

While a dingo is genetically somewhere between a wolf and a modern domestic dog, it is certainly having its day in the limelight. It might turn out to be a very bad day, as calls for culling become louder. Since April this year there have been six dingo attacks on people on K’gari/Fraser Island. The latest, where a young woman needs airlifting to hospital suffering from more than 30 bite wounds, galvanises political action and sees the Environment Minister visit the island to gauge the situation. Clearly, as a career politician, she is well qualified to understand animal behaviour. 

In the interests of investigative holiday-making, we too are on K’gari for a few days. The caravan is in storage and we take the Landcruiser onto a barge which runs across the inlet between Hervey Bay and K’gari, taking about 40 minutes. Friends Peter and Jenny, up from Brisbane, and Brigid and John, in from New Zealand, meet us at the barge. In fact we are gate crashing their plans, offering the Landcruiser for exploring the island: K’gari is, famously, the world’s largest sand island and a grunty 4WD is essential – that and a driver who sees no obstacle too great to impede progress.

We hit the highlights, balancing activity with our proclivity for copious eating and drinking. A swim in Lake McKenzie is mandatory. It is one of several perched dune lakes on the island, all well above seal level and fed entirely by rainwater. The shores are sparkly white, fine silica sand which filters the water so it is clear as gin – and we should know. The temperature lets you know you are alive, as you can see in the photo by the look on Jenny’s face.

A drive across the island to the east coast takes us through a series of six different dune systems. Drive is an understatement – we undulate, sway, bump and grind through rutted tracts which vie for space with soft sand. Sadly we do not count a physiotherapist or osteopath or even a massage therapist in our number.

The oldest dune system, on the west coast, is home to heaths, swamps and mangroves. We continue through woodlands, rainforest, tall eucalypts, and mixed forest before arriving at the Pacific coastal forests. All this over only 18 kilometres – which takes us an hour, slewing our way through the sand tracks. Suddenly it opens up and we power through the soft sand and hit the 120 km long beach road. This runs the length of K’gari and is an official Australian gazetted highway, which also happens to be a runway. We are not the first to roar up the beach, eyes peeled for dingos – we see three or four, and watch out for any rocks or soft sand traps.

You may think we don’t need to go whale watching again after our fabulous experiences on the Ningaloo Reef, but we do. Every time is different. The humpbacks in the Great Marine Sandy Park are on their way south and find themselves funnelled into the bay by K’gari. It takes them a few days to realise the short cut doesn’t work. There can be a couple of hundred in the bay at any one time. We see about eight pods of three or four and the final ones come and investigate our boat. The crew call this mugging, and joke it is the only mugging where you walk away still with your phone and wallet.

Remember that barge we came across on? Well the reverse trip takes somewhat longer than 40 minutes. The hydraulics on the loading ramp fail so we are slowly travelling with the ramp locked halfway up with a jury rigged cable (or is it jerry rigged? the internet is confused)securing it. We arrive at the mainland with no way to take the vehicles off – short of magic. Cue men standing around, shaking their heads, talking on phones and, in that time honoured fashion, generally pretending they know what to do. An engineer arrives – it’s Sunday by the way – and in just another hour and a half – how time flies when you are stuck on a barge with a 300 km drive ahead of you – the ramp descends to loud applause and we can be on our way.