It is commonly said that if you can describe Antartica you haven’t been there. I say, bullshit. I can describe it, but I can’t help you feel it, and none of us can really grasp it. A trip to the coldest, driest, windiest place on Earth offers the perfect blend of adventure and discomfort. You know you are alive. 

Someone, possibly the Captain of our fabulous Fridtjof Nansen Arctic class exploration ship, has been very, very good, and the reward is perfect conditions for the 48 hour transit of the notoriously difficult Drake Passage from Cape Horn to the Antarctic Peninsula. So good, we can land and go ashore at Cape Horn, but more on that later. 

In the meantime we all swan about congratulating each other on the flat seas and almost zero wind, as if we had something to do with it. We hear the crew, stunned and disbelieving, muttering it’s never like this, and in five years I’ve never had conditions in the Drake this calm.  The Cassandras among us foresee doom ahead. 

There are three landings at different places on the ice and several other forays around the icebergs and shoreline in the zodiacs.  I LOVE going out in the zodiacs.  Obviously it’s cold, freezing point or thereabouts. So start with a thermal layer, then another medium weight merino top, a puffer jacket, wind and waterproof top layer with waterproof over trousers, good socks under rubber boots (provided), and add gloves, neck warmer, and hat as required. Hello Michelin wo/man.  Oh, and sunglasses – it’s bright down here. We soon become expert at climbing in and out of the zodiacs with kilos of clothes on, a skill that will be useless anywhere else.

The expedition crew allocate everyone to a group, and so landings and zodiac cruises are called to the boarding deck by name.  There are restrictions on how many people are allowed on land at one time, so the crew work is very well organised, and smoothly efficient.  Our group is the Gentoo penguins – which must be better than being elephant seals.

Cruising through chunks of ice and massive icebergs is beautiful. The water is so clear it’s possible to see the bergs extend below the water line. The colours are vibrant: white ice, with a bright teal below. Several times when we’re out on the zodiacs it’s snowing, so there’s a powdery layer of fresh snow cresting the ice, giving a subtly different shade and texture of white.  

At times there’s a slash of intense blue in densely packed ice where air bubbles are squeezed out. We also see this in the glaciers carving their way down, creating future valleys. The compacted ice absorbs longer wavelengths of colours, allowing shorter wavelengths, like green and blue, to reflect the light. Science eh?

We approach massive icebergs, keeping a respectful distance as they can roll or break without notice. It’s difficult to estimate the height of a huge berg when you’re sitting in a little boat, but the largest one we approach is roughly 10 stories high. Half way back to base, I look from the iceberg to our exploration ship, and the berg dwarfs the ship. 

It is very serene, especially when you ask the zodiac skipper to shut down the engine and just sit. The icebergs crackle at times, they’re always melting both underwater and above, so it feels like they’re alive. In the same way glaciers calve, hunks of iceberg fall into the water. But without man made noise it seems silent – at least until some muppet can’t resist the urge to say how quiet it is. 

Our first landing is on Deception Island, the caldera of an active volcano – yes, I too wonder at this wisdom of this.  Visions of Whakari White Island are fresh in the New Zealanders’ minds.  However those visions are pushed aside by the excitement of landing on the ice.  There’s a welcoming committee of a couple of penguins, but they are mainly there to laugh at those who take up the challenge of a polar plunge. Yes, some fools disrobe and tempt hypothermia by briefly, very briefly, immersing themselves in the literally freezing water. My baby brother was one such fool, leaving his lovely wife wondering why she ever married him. We did warn her. 

Subsequent landings involve a lot more penguins, but you’ll have to wait for the next instalment- this is getting a bit long.